With its tea rooms and Berghaus-clad tourists, Keswick may not strike you as a destination for anyone fond of boozy late nights. But Mark Webster, manager at Inn on the Square (IOTS) insists it’s a party town, with its pubs packed at weekends. I’m there on a Wednesday and watch the local craft beer outpost, Bar Es, fill up at 11pm.
If the generally twee, tweedy Lake District is changing, 34-bedroom IOTS, from the Lake District Hotels group, is hoping to be at the forefront of that. Walkers are still the core audience, and IOTS is all set up for them: it’s dog-friendly, with a drying room for boots.
But it also has a lively second bar, the Queen’s Head (with separate entrance, dire music, pool table and TVs for live football) and prides itself on its chic, modern design and its hip steak restaurant, Brossen.
But that pride could be misplaced. The Graves family, who own the group, are part-Danish and the IOTS website trumpets this hotel’s Scandinavian design influence. But it looks like the designer had a crisis of faith halfway through. I like the elegant Danish furniture and hand-thrown crockery in the restaurant, and the stark grey wall panelling in my bedroom, but such detail is overlaid with jazzy, borderline bling flourishes. There are plush armchairs in challenging shades, gilt-patterned wallpapers and, in the main lounge bar, multi-coloured striped and geometric-patterned sofas so 1980s they look like salvage from the Swap Shop studio. My bed has a silvery-grey padded headboard and, above it, that contemporary cliche – a huge digital print (of some Herdwick sheep).
The Graveses are so pleased with the results that you can buy your room to take home (Bodum kettle £59, retro-looking ePure phone £55). Such corporate “upselling” is a theme. The hotel offers a walking guidebook, but you have to pay for it. It is £20 for a late check-out. At breakfast (a fairly impressive spread, overall), the eggs benedict carries a £2.75 supplement (a fact scribbled on the menu in biro). My tip would be to concentrate on nailing a proper lemony zip in the hollandaise, rather than such penny-pinching.
On the upside, the Graves are experienced hoteliers and know what counts in a bedroom: firm mattress, good linens and towels, powerful shower, mist-free mirrors. With its Twinings teas and toiletries from a Scottish hospitality supplier (so much for Cumbrian character), my room feels generic, but the double glazing effectively shuts out any noise from the car park and I sleep soundly. Which matters.
At dinner, Brossen is busy and a little fraught. At nearby tables, some are cooing over the food, others complaining. Service is slow and the staff apologetic. One waiter tours the tables, trying to locate whoever has ordered the smoked rump.
A starter of crispy deep-fried ham hock with pickled salad – the hock one large monotonous briquette – is OK if lacking finesse. My ribeye is a very average piece of meat. It needs greater char without and much greater depth of flavour within, though the bearnaise is serviceable. With sides of variable quality (so-so macaroni cheese, exemplary beef dripping chips), my main course costs £24.50. Note that on the hotel’s bed, breakfast and dinner package (from £90pp), your total evening meal allowance is only £27.
As a place to crash IOTS is fine, particularly if you can get a discounted room via its various deals. But will you love it? I don’t. It fulfils its function but with no real passion or personality.
• Accommodation was provided by Inn on the Square (0800 840 1247, innonthesquare.co.uk, doubles from £212 B&B, £130 on special offer). Travel from Manchester to Penrith was provided by First TransPennine Express (returns from £45.50, tpexpress.co.uk)
Ask a local
Lucy Scrase, director, Keswick Mountain Festival
• Eat
The Dog & Gun is a great cosy pub for local ales and a hearty goulash after a day out on the fells, or try nearby Square Orange for pizza.
• Culture
Close to Derwentwater, Theatre By The Lake has some excellent productions, including a new telling of The Lady of the Lake.
• Outdoors
For walking, cycling and climbing, Borrowdale is stunning. Try Walla Crag, south of Keswick. Latrigg fell also offers fantastic views towards the coast.
• Families
The BMX track in Fitz Park is great for kids. There’s also a playground and a lovely cafe.
