Blackpool Pleasure Beach
Tucked in beside Blackpool’s more glamorous attractions sit a clutch of easily overlooked but just as thrilling vintage rides. The Flying Machines dates back to 1904 (eight years after the Pleasure Beach was opened by the Thompson family, who still maintain and operate it) and has 10 rocket capsules which are flung out as centrifugal force gets a grip. The Wild Mouse, built in 1958, is a traditional wooden rollercoaster with 90-degree switchback turns; the Derby Racer (1959) is a carousel of 56 racehorses which bob up and down to the accompaniment of a Belgian Band Organ playing In The Mood; and the Ghost Train (1930) is the world’s first ride of that name.
• Open weekends only from early Feb, open fully end of March-mid November, £30 adults, £27 children for unlimited rides, blackpoolpleasurebeach.com
Water Chute, Northstead Manor Gardens, Scarborough
It’s all about squealing and getting drenched on this attraction, which has entertained visitors to Scarborough since 1932. A short hurtle down a ramp from a timber cabin ends as the boat-shaped carriage splashes into the lake, before gliding onwards serenely. This refreshing ride for a hot summer’s day was refurbished in 2008, after it fell into neglect following the closure of Kinderpark, an amusement park on the same site. One of only three such water chutes still operating in the UK, it is now operated by North Bay Railway, which also runs Scarborough’s miniature railway – trundling along the seafront from Peasholm Park to Scalby Mills for 84 years now – and the boating lake, with its fleet of pedalos.
• Chutes open every day 11am-4.30pm from May-Sept subject to weather, £2.20 for two rides, nbr.org.uk
The Cromer Pier Show, Norfolk
Long before Simon Cowell’s parade of home-spun entertainers, Cromer was showcasing British talent nightly at the end of its Victorian pier. Ventriloquists, conjurers, comedians and plumed dancers have performed in the Pavilion Theatre for 38 years, earning a crust and sometimes making their reputation: Bradley Walsh and Darren Day both started their careers treading the boards here. Now Europe’s last end-of-the-pier show, it boasts costume changes, moderately lavish sets and fast-moving acts. This summer, “cheeky” comedian Paul Eastwood is the headline act, and comedy stuntman Ben Langley will dangle above the small, packed auditorium in a straitjacket.
• Daily shows mid-June to late September, from £10, cromerpier.co.uk
Dingles Fairground Heritage Centre, Lifton, Devon
Although Dingles is smack bang in the middle of Devon, it is a depository of seaside attractions. These rides once travelled the country as part of larger shows, but ended up here, before being restored and returned to service. Michael Smith of Dingles was historic rides consultant for Margate’s Dreamland, and the place has a wealth of information and vintage rides – the dodgems, which date from 1932, being one of the most popular. There is also a vintage arcade from the 1960s and a Brett’s Ghost Train (1947), which still has four of its original fleet of cars. The Rodeo Switchback was built in 1880 and, although not operational, is the last Spinning Top Switchback in existence; in fact, it is probably the oldest surviving fairground ride in the country. You can’t ride on that one, though.
• Open Feb half-term week then late March-early Nov, from £10.71 adults, £9.18 kids for 10 rides, fairground-heritage.org.uk
Great Yarmouth Pleasure Beach, Norfolk
The 30 horses on the carousel at the entrance of Great Yarmouth’s Pleasure Beach have been trotting around with their manes flying since 1915. The Gallopers were hand carved (they have Siberian Yellow Pine heads and cast-iron ears) and arrived at Great Yarmouth in 1954. Today, 60 riders at a time can relive their Mary Poppins fantasies. The Pleasure Beach also boasts the wooden Scenic Railway rollercoaster: built in France in 1928 and opened in 1932, it’s the second fastest and highest wooden rollercoaster in the UK, and is similar to the one at Dreamland. Three carriages, each containing 30 people, are pulled to the top before being released – a seated operator at the rear of each carriage applies judicious use of the brakes, as gravity propels the pleasure seekers along the track.
• Open end of March-early Nov (opening times vary), free entry, unlimited access to 25 rides from £17.50 for adults and children 7+, £13.50 for 4-6 year-olds, pleasure-beach.co.uk
Blackgang Chine, Isle of Wight
The UK’s oldest theme park, owned by the Dabell family since its foundation in 1843, is tucked away in a ravine on the south coast of the Isle of Wight. The attractions make the most of the scenic setting, with a rollercoaster thundering toward the cliff edge, animatronic dinosaurs lurking in the foliage, and fairies hiding out in castles in the woods. The Crooked House was built in 1968 and remains largely unchanged: its topsy-turvy corridors, wonky plumbing and slightly deranged mannequins are still surrounded by the furnishings and highly patterned decor of the time. Cowboy Town (built in 1976 and smartened up this year) offers the opportunity to ride a (stationary) Wells Fargo stagecoach and swing through the double doors of the saloon, before booking into the Last Chance Hotel and getting dangerous hoodlums locked up in the county jail.
• Open late March-late Octo, entry from £16 (includes access to Robin Hill country park), blackgangchine.com
Crazy Golf Course, Hastings, East Sussex
The Hastings Old Town seafront boasts three separate miniature golf courses: the Adventure Golf Course, with its “dancing waters” (it has 37 fountains), caves and spitting Tikki poles (totem poles that spurt water at golfers); the Pirate Golf Course, which has cannon fire, pirate ships and a model of Johnny Depp, and the comparatively sane Crazy Golf Course, with its neatly clipped lawns, beds of phormiums and occasional windmill. The Crazy Golf Course is the venue for the annual World Crazy Golf Championships, held every October, where competitors in amusing dress negotiate its ramps, water mill, and other obstacles.
• Open April-late October (weekends Nov-late March), one course £6.50 adults, £3.25 kids, hastingsadventuregolf.com
Cable Car, Llandudno, North Wales
Like a prop in a budget James Bond film, Llandudno’s open cable cars swing breezily above the town, suspended from a steel cable. Unchanged since they were opened in 1969, they travel over a mile, reaching 80ft at their highest point. The journey in the dinky, brightly coloured cars (blue, red, yellow, purple), lasts nine minutes, taking passengers from Happy Valley to the summit of the Great Orme and its disappointing cafe and shop. Best to hop straight back in and enjoy the views across the Irish Sea to Rhyl and the Isle of Man on one side, and Snowdonia National Park on the other. If you’ve no wish to be exposed to the vagaries of the Welsh weather in an open cable car, a more sedate Victorian tram (built in 1898) does the same trip, but over solid ground.
• Open April-Oct (weather permitting), return trip £9 adults, £7 kids, visitllandudno.org.uk
Model Village, Skegness, Lincolnshire
Like a three-dimensional postcard, the model village at Skegness is a composite of a quintessential English village. Stride like a giant along the paths and peer down at the half-timbered buildings, the village greens, the oast houses and the cricket pitch. Built in 1962 by John Simmonds, at a scale of 1:16, all miniature human activity is here, from the hand-carved figures lounging about on the terraces of the lido to the newly married couple emerging from the church. Excruciating puns above various stores (Robin Swines, used car dealer; Lucy Lastic, purveyor of “scanties and panties”; Semore Clearly, the optician) and the Englishness of it all suggest a Carry On film set, albeit an extremely small one.
• Open April-late Oct, £2.95 adults, £1.95 kids, visitskegnessandmablethorpe.com
Kerr’s Miniature Railway, West Links Park, Arbroath, Scotland
Chugging along the seafront on a small-gauge railway, going nowhere particular at a leisurely pace, is a peculiarly British activity. The miniature railway at West Links Park takes its passengers a quarter of a mile there, and a quarter of a mile back, on one of six locomotives (two are 1930s steam engines, built by Herbert Bullock), which run parallel with the mainline rail track to Aberdeen. Established by Matthew Kerr in 1935 and now operated by his daughter-in-law, Jill, and her son, John, with the help of volunteers, this is Scotland’s oldest small-gauge railway. The Kerrs also have two miniature 1950s buses and a fire engine, which children can ride along the Arbroath seafront for £1.
• Open weekends and school holidays, late March-late Sept, £1.50 adults, £1 children, kerrsminiaturerailway.co.uk
