The restaurant food was truly gross and lying on our double sofa-bed mattress made me wince, but, say what you like about Pontin's holiday camps, they take security very seriously. The word is that at night, they lock the exit gates. Not to keep the thieves out, but the guests in.

You may snigger. After all, you're sophisticated now. You'd never dream of actually paying for a Pontin's experience. Well, that's what I thought until we had... twins.

Yup, twins. Two babies, now seven months old, who cack together, puke together, but rarely sleep together. No one really knows the dark side of twin-parenting better than the 'living dead' themselves. For many parents of twins, holidays are out of fiscal bounds. Besides, it's hard enough getting to the shops before they close, let alone reaching an airport in time. Logistics is an artform when twins come along.

So a three-day twin-fest at Camber Sands, on the Sussex/Kent border, organised by the Twins and Multiple Birth Association (Tamba) sounded like fun. What swung it was that Tamba struck a deal with Pontin's - £163 for three days in a club class chalet - more than £30 off. Not bad, although as we reflected after, if that was club class, God knows what economy was like. Whatever, 70 other sets of twin parents thought the same and committed to spending jubilee weekend together.

For that historic bank holiday, Pontin's was rammed full with 3,000 campers. I've never seen so many England football shirts worn by people who couldn't last 10 minutes on a pitch before collapsing. Half of my fellow campers turned lobster red, thanks to three days of intense sunshine. Shirts off, wobbly guts were de rigueur . It wasn't pretty.

It would be romantic to think that the weekend provided a coming together of hard-pressed parents and attention-lacking twinnies, and that we all bonded, deriving strength and warmth from our shared links. Well, this is England, not the United States. At Pontin's the twins contingent weren't made to feel special, and the pre-booked Bluecoat entertainers didn't turn up for the twin farewell party. The Tamba organisers faded into the background, lacked charisma and inspired no sense of community, though that was fair enough in some ways; people were on holiday and didn't want to be put upon.

The organisers had a session for single parents with twins on the vast Camber Sands beach. (A significant number of men can't stand the stress and extra work that having twins involves, and leave the mothers to it.) We tagged along somewhat embarrassed since we haven't split up - yet! It was a non-event saved by the magic of the beach. Parents didn't really communicate with each other but the kids did. Racing to the sea, defying attempts to put sun cream on them, and brattishly demand ing ice creams. Par for the course, and maybe that was the point.

There was also a session for 'supertwins' - triplets or more - and one for twins with special needs, as twin births can have complications that lead to some kind of defect. We decided not to go to these because we felt as though we would be imposing. Besides, not many people bothered to go to them.

The parties that topped and tailed the weekend were different. Seventy twin families came together in the camp's pub, the Queen Vic. This was the highlight; where else could we have seen 20 twins dancing on stage to Kylie Minogue's 'I Can't Get You Out of My Head'?

The pub was sealed off to other guests, which made the twin thing more intense. Parents were nodding with eyebrow-raising, weary recognition at each other. A French au pair with one twin family said she was gobsmacked. And it was shocking. It wasn't so much literally seeing double, more that inside this room were a number of people - the twins, that is - who have a special bond that no one else can truly understand. The twins themselves, mostly under eight, seemed to take the whole thing for granted.

The party icebreaker was not so much 'Where you from?' but 'What's that buggy like?' (The consensus was that children sit ting side-by-side was better than one in front of the other.) There was also: 'Do you breast-feed them together or separately?' And, for the men: 'Did you have to buy a new car?' We were in the land of the people carrier.

Pontin's may sound like hell for anyone who likes rocket salad and real coffee but kids, including our four-year-old, think it is heaven. The chalets - built on two storeys and resembling a crumbling military barracks - face each other in squares with a green in the middle. That allows for superb kid action potential, either in the form of mass games of football or endless games of chase; parents can relax as their kids are safe. Our only problem was knowing which chalet our four year old was holed up in.

There were three bouncy castles, a sandpit playground and junk food outlets everywhere. For the older kids, there were wall-climbing, quad bikes and fencing, which were all free, and computer games and slot machines, which were not.

Whether slot machines are family-friendly is a moot point. Pontin's is owned by Trevor Hemmings- a leisure tycoon who also owns racecourses, Littlewoods Pools and is behind plans to turn Blackpool into the Las Vegas of the North. Hemmings is without doubt expert at making poor people poorer.

Although the twin families were scattered to the four corners of the 10-acre site, we found ourselves on 'Triplet Row', with three triplet families to our left. The great thing about this was that it made us feel we had nothing to moan about, because triplet parents, it seems, have really got it tough. One 'trip' neighbour came armed with a set of grandparents and an auntie. How they all squeezed into the chalet is anybody's guess.

I heard another triplet mum, Bev Couch, intone, robot-like: 'Routine, routine, routine', as she lined up three high chairs. Bev and her husband, Russell, were amazing. They were active. They were funny. They went to the beach, visited nearby Rye and had a pub dinner. A slackening of the routine, and it could all come tumbling down. Their lives were based on precision timing.

But that's nothing compared with Michelle Walden, who has twins aged nine, and triplets aged five. Her family came to Pontin's with another triplet family, and they all had a fantastic time. The older children went fencing and climbing, while the younger ones hung out with the other twinnies.

Michelle's only crisis of the weekend was when one of the girls threw a wobbly at a local pub. 'It's bad enough going out because we always get stared at,' she said. 'But when one of them has a tantrum it can be very stressful.' No kidding.

The best part from a non-twins perspective came daily at about 7pm after families had eaten their meals - prepared with any sense in the chalet, rather than at the camp's restaurant, where the lasagne could have made a doorstop. This was when the kids dolled themselves up for an evening of Bluecoat family fun. The girls were self-conscious, wearing make-up and clothes a wee bit too old for them, while the boys looked trendy with gelled hair. Mums and dads viewed them with a mixture of pride and shock.

Regular Bluecoat camp entertainment was upstairs in the main hall - seriously unfriendly for buggies - and was basically a disco with a twentysomething lad encouraging girls and boys to dance and sing.

I learnt many things at Pontin's. First, there is a correlation between the number of Union flags in a venue and the quality of its food. Second, the most patriotic people tend to be the ones who are done over by their country the most. And third, twin families are a community - or cult - who truly understand each other.

Would we do it again? Maybe in a few years, when our twins are older. But we'd definitely bring our own food.

Factfile

Nick Mathiason and family stayed in a Pontin's Club apartment for three nights. The cost: £163, with a 25 per cent discount thanks to booking through the Twins and Multiple Birth Association (Tamba). A further cut of 25 per cent is available to people on benefits. A three-night break in a Popular apartment at Camber Sands in the peak season is £149.50 for a family of four. For more details, call Pontin's on 0870 604 5602.

Today marks the start of Twins, Triplets & More week with a mass twin picnic at Beale Park near Pangbourne, Berkshire.

Tamba is finalising arrangements for a twins weekend at a Scottish holiday camp in late September or early October. The association will hold another twins event at Pontin's Camber Sands next May and is planning a number of events for next year. Call Tamba on 0870 770 3305.