Arriving late on a crisp, winter, woodsmokey evening at Bruern Stable Cottages, my first thought was how vastly improved my weekend would be without the children.
Opening the door to the immaculate, chintzy Sandown cottage, my heart sank even further. I could see standard lamps to be pulled over, china cabinets to be emptied, Colefax & Fowler soft furnishings to be crayoned on and worst of all - no TV.
On the upside, as well as a whole chocolate cake, milk and juice in the fridge, there were half a dozen eggs, a bottle of wine, tea, coffee, Coco Pops, a loaf of bread and a piece of cheese. Everything, in fact, for graduates of the hurried and entirely inappropriate school of last minute packing. We could manage supper and breakfast without the five-mile drive into neighbouring Burford.
By this time we had, through desperation and the natural curiosity of a four-year-old and a toddler, discovered the TV eccentrically housed under the skirts of an occasional table. Perhaps this was going to be OK after all.
For the country weekend fantasist, Bruern is a very tempting proposition. Sunk in the heart of the Cotswolds, it is a complex - though I use the word lightly - of cottages, renovated and refurbished by Judy Astor over the past 10 years. In their literature and on their website they boast about being the finest self-catering cottages in England which, given the competition, is a fairly enormous claim. But gongs, awards and stars from assorted tourist bodies seem to corroborate the proposition.
I was most curious about Bruern's reputation as a child-friendly destination. When I was pregnant with Alfie, five years ago, I dragged my reluctant husband off to a series of country house hotels on the grounds that it would be the one activity we absolutely would not be able to do with children. Being allergic to chintz, he would have preferred a weekend clubbing in Eindhoven or somesuch - but given our age and my girth this would have been both preposterous and dangerous.
Had I known about Bruern then, I would have spent the childfree time more usefully: reading a whole book, having a conversation, keeping in touch with friends or one of the many activities it is truly impossible to manage post-partum.
Despite the elemental error of putting the cot in the master bedroom - which might have been a good move for neurotic first-time parents - the accommodation could not have been more perfect. Alfie enjoyed having a 'bed with curtains' and found a fantastic range of children's books on the well-stocked shelves. George, banished to his brother's bedroom, clearly detected on his toddler radar the added imperative not to destroy any items so satisfied his curiosity by alternately sticking his hands in the lavatory and the coal scuttle.
But the real benefits of Bruern for the frazzled parent arrived with daylight: a fabulous communal lawn with goalposts and the heartening sight of a caravan of plastic ride-on tractors being wheeled up the path by parents and older siblings. Right at the top of the gardens there was a playhouse and a room with most conceivable non-electronic distractions, as well as a set of swings and climbing frame for better weather. During the week and in the summer there is even an outdoor swimming pool.
The real trick of Bruern is to be a self-catering holiday that is as close to a hotel as you can get. And if the catering bit bothers you there is a ready meal order service. It is country-house plush but also very practical, although it may be a bit too refined for some. I personally prefer things a bit more rough and ready with fewer antiques to trip over - but given that even my chintz-hating husband gave it the seal of approval this is entirely a matter of taste.
The only drawback with Bruern is that such rustic luxury comes at a price. With the grandest cottage, Newmarket, costing over £2,000 a week in peak season, there isn't much difference between this and a hotel. The snugger cottages, and ours was just about bearable for four over a weekend, start at around £570 a week and rise to about £1,500 over bank holidays and during August. And remember that most of the time Bruern can fill its cottages several times over - so book well ahead.
Still, it passed the ultimate child-approval test. Come Sunday lunchtime Alfie slumped into a miserable heap: "I don't want to gooooo," he wailed. And for the first time in two days I remembered how nice it might have been to leave them at home...
· For further information, including online availability and booking, see the Bruern Stable Cottages website.
