The problem with the costume drama holiday is that, in the books that inspire them, no one really goes anywhere. In fact, a journey is usually an indication that some terrible fate will befall you.

In Pride and Prejudice, Jane Bennet goes on holiday to Netherfield Park, a house she can see from her own, and is struck down with fever. In Sense and Sensibility, Marianne Dashwood goes into the garden and has to be rescued by Colonel Brandon, because it rains. In Emma, Emma walks from one side of the village to the other and is terrorised by gypsies. Jane Eyre herself was evacuated from the Yorkshire moors because she went walking in inadequate footwear. The message for the costume drama heroine seeking a holiday is really – don't go.

I suppose you could lock yourself in an attic, like the first Mrs Rochester in Jane Eyre, and come out only to bite your husband and set fire to his bed. But that is not really a holiday, even if it feels like one. So, if you must travel, go to Bath. This seems to be the only city where the costume drama heroine is safe from drowning, starvation, putrid fevers, heartbreak and broken ankles. (Don't even think about Lyme Regis. Louisa Musgrove tried it in Persuasion and – oh, shucks – fell off the sea wall). In Bath, the heroine may even get to have sex. It was here that Catherine Morland of Northanger Abbey took Henry "Smirk" Tilney, and Anne Elliot of Persuasion seduced Captain "You pierce my soul" Wentworth.

So you have arrived and you are still – for now – unharmed by the incredible decision to leave your village. What to do now? You must take the waters. In Georgian times the baths apparently stank but now there are gorgeous new baths (thermaebathspa.com), which do not stink. Then you must drink the waters in the Pump Room (romanbaths.co.uk). They are more disgusting than Fanta and who knows if they will cure anyone of anything but, at 50p a glass, who cares?

Once watered, visit the Museum of Costume at the Assembly Rooms (museumofcostume.co.uk). It currently has an exhibition of Princess Diana's gowns, so you can find out precisely how bad a heroine's taste in clothes can be, particularly if she lived in the 1980s. Hungry? Visit Sally Lunn's House (sallylunns.co.uk), where they have been making tourists unmarriageably fat since 1680. Or go to the Jane Austen Centre (janeausten.co.uk) for a Tea with Mr Darcy, served near terrifying life-size models of Austen heroes.

And to reside? If you are rich like Mr Darcy, stay at the Royal Crescent Hotel (royalcrescent.co.uk) on the Royal Crescent. It is Bath's Stella Street – Nicolas Cage used to live nearby in The Circus. If you are poor like Mr Wickham, stay at the B&B Number 77 (77pulteneyst.co.uk) where for a tenth of the price, Ian and Henry will love you, even if Mr Willoughby does not. Then congratulate yourself, heroine. You went on holiday and lived.