Age: Fifteen days and counting.
Appearance: An enormous crowd of Irish people, laughing, drinking, singing and enjoying themselves.
Is it a funeral? No, The Gathering 2013 is a year-long cultural celebration – or, if you prefer, "Ireland's greatest-ever tourism initiative" – intended to inspire people of Irish extraction to visit the homeland.
How many visitors are we talking about? Hard to say at this point, but around 70 million people across the world claim Irish heritage.
My mother's father was Irish, and this is the first I've heard of the Gathering. As part of the campaign, every household in Ireland received a blank postcard to be used to invite distant relatives home, but I don't think you have to wait to be asked.
And where is all this taking place, exactly? All over Ireland. So far there are 2,500 separate gatherings making up the Gathering, including music, literary and food festivals, sporting events, gallery exhibitions, clan reunions, the Irish Redhead Convention and an international symposium on neglected influenza viruses.
Sounds as if everybody's on board. Not quite everybody. Actor and former Irish cultural ambassador Gabriel Byrne called the Gathering "a scam to shake down the diaspora for money".
Spoilsport. Perhaps, but his comments struck a chord, if not with wealthy Americans of Irish ancestry, then with more recent emigrants who left Ireland to seek opportunity abroad in the wake of the economic downturn. Many feel they were forced to leave home thanks to the government's financial incompetence, and bridle at being asked to subsidise failure with tourism.
I suppose I can understand their resentment.
But since the Gathering kicked off with a big party on New Year's Eve, attitudes toward the initiative appear to be softening. Local events and family reunions – as opposed to surfing competitions and trade fairs – may yet bring the diaspora home.
Not to be confused with: the Gathering, the Dutch alternative rock band; The Gathering, a novel by Anne Enright, which actually is about a funeral.
Do say: "Come home to Ireland in 2013 – we take Visa and Mastercard."
Don't say: "Come home to Ireland – your Da's dead."
