LOADING
Click on the slideshow's tiles to jump straight to that part of the guide or use these navigation links if you're reading this on a mobile:
See | Stay | Eat | Drink | Buy | Unwind
See
Based in a townhouse cellar in up-and-coming High Bridge, the Stand is the hottest place in Newcastle for live comedy just a year after opening. The intimate stage setting is no stranger to big names, but the roster of well-known locals is equally popular – look out for regular acts the Suggestibles, Steffen Peddie and Tony Jameson.
There are two more reasons why the Stand has established itself so quickly: first, the ground-level bar and bistro has become a praised venue in its own right (there aren't many comedy clubs that serve smoked duck salad) and, second, the club operates a strict ban on stag parties and hen nights. While there'll always be the odd heckler in the room, you'll always be part of an audience that enjoys and supports live comedy. A gentle word of warning, though: it's a small venue, so anyone can be and usually is part of the act at the Stand. Don't think that you'll be safe by avoiding the tables closest to the stage.
• The Stand, 31 High Bridge, 0844 693 3336, thestand.co.uk
Stay
When it's time to take a break from the bustle of the city centre, escape north beyond the Town Moor to Jesmond Dene House for a secluded evening lost in the woods. The 40 rooms have contemporary furniture and fittings, and are all shapes and sizes, with tucked-away attic spaces, private balconies and garden views, giving you the feel of a country manor just minutes from the city. The award-winning restaurant uses ingredients that are mostly sourced from Northumberland – often from the garden of the hotel. Both the tasting menu (£65) and Sunday lunch (£29 for three courses) are real indulgences.
Clear the head with a walk along the Ouseburn river and through the tranquil wooded valley of Jesmond Dene. Idle away a morning in affluent Jesmond's cafes and shops, then stop off for afternoon tea at the Fisherman's Lodge (fishermanslodge.co.uk, £15pp). A taste of Newcastle's lively nightlife is close at hand: Osborne Road is lined with bars and partygoers.
• Jesmond Dene House, Jesmond Dene Road, 0191-212 3000, jesmonddenehouse.co.uk, doubles from £130
Eat
Pie and peas may be a dish more suited to the football terraces of St James' Park but the Red House has turned it into an art form. One of the city's oldest pubs and historically the haunt of dockworkers and the Quayside's ladies of the night, it has thankfully been dragged away from its more recent niche as a venue for stag parties. A change of ownership means there's pie to be had here, not just one but half a dozen: the spiced mutton and apricot will warm you through on the briskest of winter evenings. Next, pick your accompanying mash, then your peas – mushy or minted petit pois – and finally which of the three liquors you'd like splashed over. Place your order, take a seat in the bay window overlooking the Tyne Bridge and wash it down with a pint of cask ale. It's £10 for two pies on Wednesdays. Such simple pleasures have never felt so extravagant but if it's extravagance you're craving, ask about the Man v Pie challenge: a man-sized platter of pies that's free if you finish every crumb in less than 10 minutes.
Quayside has always spoilt diners for choice. Try the Broad Chare (thebroadchare.co.uk) and its unapologetically hearty British fare, the southern Thai dishes served in the snug Old Siam (theoldsiam.co.uk/), or the unpretentious Indian menu at Simla (simla-restaurant.co.uk).
• The Red House, 32 Sandhill, Quayside, 0191-261 1037, theredhousencl.co.uk
Drink
Cheryl Cole was spotted partying hard in Livello before its official opening last autumn and you'll often see a parade of sports cars lined up upside. Don't be fooled, though; the hardcore drinkers migrated from Quayside a decade ago, so the crowd you'll find here is a little more refined. Livello is a bright spot on the city's cocktail scene with a comprehensive menu offering classics and spirited new recipes from £5. Order a Gummi Berri Juice and you'll be treated to a chemistry experiment: a sweet green concoction is served in a conical flask of dry ice, smoke belching over the lip as you take a sip.
If cocktails are your poison, Popolo (popolo.co.uk) in Pilgrim Street has been shaking and stirring for more than a decade. Drop by on a Thursday night for its prohibition menu, settle into a stool under the buzz of the sodium bulbs and order a bourbon-soaked Wild Berry Jam. Alvino's (alvinosbar.co.uk) next door serves a decent mojito and has one of Newcastle's rare rooftop terraces.
• Livello, Lower Dean Street, 0191-233 1010, barlivello.co.uk
Buy
Built in the early 19th century and once the largest indoor market in Europe, the Grainger Market hasn't strayed too far from its roots as a crowded Victorian shopping experience. More surprising is that such a prime site hasn't been razed to the ground in the name of progress. Look beyond the endless blocks of butchers and fresh veg stalls, and you'll find an eccentric spread of boutique businesses, treasure troves of vinyl and jungles of house plants. Pumphrey's (pumphreys-coffee.co.uk) has been trading coffee since the 18th century, and is a key player in Newcastle's growing independent coffee scene. Stretching out beneath the glazed roof of the market's western hall, its double-sided stall not only serves the perfect drop of coffee but sells dozens of beans, blends and speciality teas.
Pick up a bargain at the Marks & Spencer Penny Bazaar, the last of its kind to be operated by the high-street giant, with big reductions on selected lines from kitchenware through to womenswear. For shopping with attitude, there's swagger and fashion to be had at Liam Gallagher's boutique, Pretty Green (prettygreen.com), opposite the market's east entrance.
• Grainger Market, graingermarket.org.uk
Unwind
A key attraction of Newcastle's compact centre is the ease with which you can slip away from urban life. You're just 10 minutes' drive from the Northumberland countryside and the eastern tail of Hadrian's Wall, while 20 minutes on the city's metro transports you to the coast.
Tynemouth is a popular day out for tourists and locals alike. Stroll down to the pier and along to the lighthouse that guards the mouth of the Tyne. The ruins of the Benedictine priory standing high above on the headland provide a ghostly but picturesque backdrop. The beaches at Tynemouth have attracted visitors since the 18th century. Nowadays, the broad sweep of fine dunes and sea swells at Longsands lure top surfers from across the country. Join the pack and take your first surf lesson with Tynemouth Surf Co (tynemouthsurf.co.uk) or learn to stand-up paddle-board with Boardskillz (boardskillz.co.uk).
For families wanting to explore the oceans without donning a wetsuit, the Blue Reef Aquarium (bluereefaquarium.co.uk/tynemouth.htm) is a modest but colourful collection of creatures from both land and sea. Alongside sharks and seahorses, expect to see poison frogs and pygmy marmosets in the aquarium's new rainforest exhibition.
• Tynemouth, 15 minutes from Newcastle town centre by metro on the Yellow line
• Paul Smith is the Newcastle author of Twitchhiker, and Tales from the Edge of America, available from 25th February
