Googling "Naples scooter" in a search for a local rental joint brings up a slew of hair-raising YouTube videos. Vintage Vespas squeeze between menacing orange buses. Animated drivers shake clenched fists in the air, as tiny two-wheelers swing past, leaving a jam of cars in their wake.
Edgy, daring, reckless: I find the idea of seeing Naples like a Neapolitan irresistible. Locals claim the city is so enchanting that one can "Vedi Napoli e poi muori" – "See Naples and die". I just hope that's not meant literally.
Snarling traffic and sunny skies make motorcycles the obvious vehicle of choice. When cars and buses stop at red lights, scooters fill the gaps. Before the green light flickers locals give each other a good stare. Riders flirt with drivers, and couples canoodle across seats, before the entire pack presses their foot to the floor. With a bag of local tips and €5 of petrol, anyone can join in this urban tour.
As an Italian scooter virgin, whatever route I chose, my 12-hour jaunt around Naples' winding streets would be a baptism of fire. Setting off through the upmarket district of Vomero, just north-west of the city centre, my clamped knuckles are tinged blue. But my fear quickly dissipates as I'm distracted by the view. What rushes before my eyes is a tapestry of Italy's golden past. There are fin-de-siècle follies with stained glass windows, ritzy hotels from the Grand Tour era, and a rococo church on every block.
Heading west, I corkscrew for a mile along the carefree coast road to Posillipo. This beachside suburb was recommended to me by Pippo, the cafe barista next to the scooter shop, as a taste of il vero Napoli – the "true Naples". True enough, Posillipo has been in graceful decline since Roman times, with an additional sprinkle of Spanish palazzi and Moorish mansions courtesy of Bourbon rule. Even the graffiti that now covers many of these buildings is effortlessly romantic, "5/5/11 Giuliana amore, I will never forget this day".
Posillipo's giant Parco Virgiliano – which sits above the ancient Roman Villa Pausilypon – is where the city's youth hang out. With few open spaces in Naples' city centre, a tidal wave of 50cc scooters descends here en masse each weekend.
Unlike globalised Rome or stuffy Milan, teenagers here parade a catwalk of homespun style. For boys the trend is spandex jeans, Carrera shades and camp T-shirts. Their cigarette packet warnings are tailored to local sensibilities: "Smoking will give you wrinkles." And every Neapolitan lad's nightmare: "Cigarettes can make you impotent."
But Naples lives up to its lax-lawed reputation. It's a city that lives by its wits rather than by the rules; more freewheeling than fashion-conscious. Nowhere is this tenet more visible than Spaccanapoli, the teeming street that slices the city's age-old Centro Storico neighbourhood in two. The quarter seemingly hosts more people, motorbikes and religious icons than any other place on earth. Wearing a motorcycle helmet here is considered optional.
Scootering through Naples' historic centre is a kaleidoscopic blur. Market stalls sell fresh fish, skinned rabbits and live octopus, all for a €1 a piece. I see wheels of pecorino cheese as big as car tyres, plus giant salamis for a fiver and bread buns for just 5 cents each. The ice-cream vendor's shop that I get sandwiched outside is an epicurean's delight. Flavours include milk-free marronita (chestnut cream) and candied-fruit cassata.
The cuisine isn't all wholesome however. I catch one local munching through a mozzarella in carrozza (literally "mozzarella in a carriage"), gloopy cheese in a crispy fried crust. When done, he gazes into his motorcycle wing mirror and dabs the corners of his mouth with the greasy wrapper, which he then balls up and flings on the floor.
For a (somewhat) healthier end to my day I duck into Pizzeria da Attilio (Via Pignasecca 17, +39 081 552 0479) at the end of Spaccanapoli. It's been in business since 1946. Like the rest of the Centro Storico it has changed little in that time. A breathtakingly good pizza margherita with anchovies and a bottle of Peroni weighs in at €5.50. It's the cheapest dinner I'll eat in Europe this year.
Although a scooter can't get you to every local attraction, it does give you unparalleled insight into Naples itself. I've dodged tree roots, car doors and seafood stalls. I've puttered past heated debates and moments of passion. With two wheels one can witness the many faces of Naples in a single afternoon. Little wonder mine was the only scooter left in the motorbike rental shop.
Further information
Hiring a scooter in Naples is simple, but caution should be used on all roads, especially in the historic Centro Storico area – it's not for the faint-hearted. And you should always wear a helmet. Vespa Sprint, Via Santa Lucia 32, +39 081 764 3452, rentsprint.it, rents new 125cc scooters for €55 per day. Standard (car) driver's licence required.
Rail and accommodation booking specialist Railbookers (020-3327 2423, railbookers.com) offers tailormade train trips to Naples from any UK city. Prices start at £475pp for outbound rail travel, two nights at the five-star Grand Hotel Parkers and return flight on British Airways.
City scooters tours across Europe
If you'd rather not go it alone, the following companies lead personalised two-wheel tours in various European cities.
Naples: Vespa Around offer full and half-day guided Vespa tours of Naples from €135pp vesparound.com
Barcelona: Hop into one of BrightSide's (ridebrightside.com) sidecars for a half-day cruise along Las Ramblas and around Gaudí's Sagrada Família (from €135pp).
Paris: Whizz past the Eiffel Tower or weave through Montmartre on your very own Vespa. Left Bank Scooters (leftbankscooters.com) leads daily tours from €150pp.
Rome: Lose the Eternal City's eternal crowds from the back of a 1960s Lambretta or Vespa via Scooter Rome's (scooterrome.com) guided Vintage Tours (€170pp).
