To the greater number of respondents to a recent survey who averred that camping holidays within these septic isles are less stressful than hotel-based holidays abroad: you are wrong. You could not be more wrong. It's not that trips abroad are relaxing. They're not. They're awful. There are 32m things to arrange before you go, eight billion things that can and will go wrong once you're there, and another six trillion going wrong back home, as you will discover on your return.

The problem is: all this is true of camping too but with the additional burden of having to camp. Which is to say, two of the eight billion things that will go wrong now include basic sanitary arrangements and the weather. Plus, you will be sharing your bed – your bed! – with creepy crawlies. It makes no rational sense to look at the basic concept of a holiday and then think to yourself: "OK, that sounds like a hellish set up. Let's remove the element of solid accommodation, add some spiders and see how that goes instead."

Don't be misled by the lesser upfront expense of camping. By the time you have paid for treats to make up for the weather and therapy for the intra-familial rows and arachnophobia caused, you're no longer ahead. The only thing to be said for British camping holidays is that when you realise what a terrible mistake you have made – as 96% of all people on any kind of holiday do – it is relatively simple to cut your losses, pack up and go home.