Love clothes? Then this could be the perfect Valentine's treat (to yourself). It comes from Traffic People, a chain of boutiques selling vintage-inspired women's clothes, which is offering one couple the chance to spend the night in one of its London stores on 14 February. A double bed will be plonked in the middle of the shop on Brushfield Street in Spitalfields, surrounded by racks of floaty dresses and playsuits, and shelves of handbags and shoes. The £200 price includes £150 in vouchers to spend in the store - and breakfast, brought to you by the shop assistant before they open to the public at 10am. With items starting at £40 and a sale on right now, you could get a whole new outfit for that. Gimmicky? Yes, but fun too, at least for anyone with an interest in shopping. It's most blokes' idea of hell, so leave the boyfriend behind, take a girlfriend, pack a bottle of wine and spend the night dressing up. The overnight stay is bookable through Wimdu, a website featuring rooms and apartments to rent in private homes.

Spending the night in a shop was one of the few gems in a mountain of PR guff sent to us in the run-up to Valentine's Day. With 2012 being a leap year, PRs seem to have redoubled their efforts to persuade us to persuade you to part with quite large sums of money to woo your other halves.

Not sure how to pop the question? At Cameron House on the shore of Loch Lomond, butler George Telford is doubling as a Wedding Proposal Consultant to create the perfect leap year proposal. Suggestions include sending your loved one off on a treasure hunt, presumably while you cosy up with a whisky by the fire to await his return, or having the ring delivered by a hawk – what could possibly go wrong?

Then there's the just plain naff – monkeys feature heavily this year. Visit England suggests you propose while visiting the titi monkeys at London Zoo – they can teach us a thing or two about commitment, apparently. "They have incredibly strong bonds with one another, live in pairs and spend most of their time with their tails intertwined."

More monkey cuteness is on offer at Whipsnade, where keepers will be "attempting to spice up the romance between a pair of saki monkeys by serving up their meals in special heart-shaped hampers in time for Valentine's Day". Come on monkeys – do something cute and romantic for the cameras!

Monkeys not doing it for you? How about a freezing trip on the Thames with the river water, sorry wind, in your hair. London RIB Voyages is renaming its speedboats "loveboats" – £60 per couple or yours for £395 per hour if you want the boat to yourselves. It's not exactly Monaco. Available from 11-29 February. Call to book.

But the 2012 winner of Worst Valentine's Suggestion goes to ... Visit Birmingham. The city may have made it into the New York Times' list of 45 Places to go in 2012 (after London and Glasgow but ahead of Kerala in India and the gorgeous Brazilian coastal town of Paraty), but that was on the strength of its food. A romantic curry? Why not? But the tourist board's suggestion of a romantic walking tour of the Colmore Business District? We'll pass on that, thanks.