Dear Lonely Planet,

OK, we get the message. We're deleting your number from our phone, we won't expect to hear from you again and we'd just ask that you respect our heartache at this difficult time.

Frankly, we're a little confused as to why our simple, yet attractive city does not even merit a perfunctory mention in your latest edition of Discover Great Britain. We're a little bewildered as to why we have fallen so far from favour in your cold, geoanalytical heart. After all, as recently as 2005, you were all lovey-dovey with us, praising our warm, throbbing city centre nightlife and the pleasing curves of our architecture, bigging us up, assuring us that no, you weren't remotely interested in that awful London – after all, everybody's been there and done that.

But we knew things were starting to go sour in 2009 when you decided that our little sister city Wolverhampton, with whom we share so many vowel sounds and nocturnal eating activities, deserved to be called "the fifth-worst city on earth." Did you not see how that would hurt us by association, Lonely Planet? Were you not being a little harsh on us?

But we let it pass. We thought things would pick up between us. We thought that we could target your heart through your stomach with our legendary Balti triangle, or woo you anew with culture and grand nights out at the Rep or the Museum and Art Gallery. Hell, if we're being too grand for you, just say and we'll take you out for a few pints of Banks's and some faggots and peas.

In our heart of hearts, we know you won't call. But, Lonely Planet, let us tell you something. We are beautiful, no matter what you say.

Love and regrets,

Birmingham (as told to @tweetcashmore)