So: you're a woman of a certain age keen for an overseas jolly to enjoy some "me" time, realign your karma and cop off with a foreigner. What will you need to take with you?
Limitless cash Julia Roberts spends a whole year noshing, meditating and – frankly – shagging her way across the globe to get over her decision to dump Billy Crudup in Eat Pray Love. Her hotel rooms are palatial, her hair immaculate and her mascara high-enough quality to cope with upset in the face of extreme poverty.
Shirley Valentine can only afford her Greek odyssey through the luck and largess of her best friend; and even the ladies in Sex and the City 2 require a PR company to fund their hols to Abu Dhabi. In fact, the film was shot in Morocco – the Amanjena hotel near Marrakech features in the film (doubles from $1,050 per night; amanresorts.com) though the cast bedded down at La Mamounia (doubles from $552 per night; mamounia.com).
Best friend Or a Dictaphone. You're going to need something to spill to. Preferably they'll be human (Meryl Streep and Julie Walters form a conga-line of shoulders to cry on in Mamma Mia!) but if not, you can always witter into a tape recorder in lieu of a voiceover. The Sony ICD-UX81 is top of the range, and small enough to be hidden discreetly up a sleeve.
The Old Porthouse bar in Skiathos (oldporthouse.com) is yards from the quay where Pierce Brosnan, Colin Firth and Stellan Skarsgard first run into each other in Mamma Mia!. It's run by Brian and Dennise from Yorkshire, who speak English, so you can just chat to them and tape the conversation.
Endless contraceptives Not only will you probably meet the love of your life, you'll also enjoy sex of a passion and sensitivity you'd never get at home, what with the kids wailing and hubby exhausted (possibly from having an affair; more likely from slaving all hours to earn that dosh you're blowing). Pauline Collins enjoys the loving touch of Tom Conti's "Greek" waiter on-board a yacht in Mykonos.
Perifanis Vassilis, skipper of the Mykonos-moored Aeolus Harp II (aeolusharp.com.gr), advertises cruises that "brings you straight to nature 'just as you have never experienced before'" from €270 per hour, including port fees, booze and snacks ("Salmon and Prosuto").
Tissues For weeping. If you're French, invest in double quantities. New wave director Eric Rohmer's solo travellers start lonely and wind up worse. Bawl your eyes out at La Table d'Aranda (tabledaranda.fr), a well-rated restaurant on Avenue Marne in Biarritz (setting for The Green Ray) which has a "not ideal" location, so you stand a chance of getting in if you're on your lonesome. The heroine of Joanna Hogg's fine Unrelated, a Rohmer-esque tale of middle-class, middle-aged bores in Tuscany has our leading lady spending her last night abroad sobbing to a Best Friend in a horrible airport hotel. My One Hotel Galilei (doubles from €6o; myonehotel.it) is just 1km from Pisa airport and handy for the motorway.
Facewipes All those beauty treatments will take their toll. Plus, chances are you'll hook up with ageing guru who'll want to scrawl a mantra on your body (Harvey Keitel's cult leader writes "Be Kind" on Kate Winslet's forehead in lipstick in Holy Smoke, then kisses her as she urinates on herself). Or check into an ashram – the upmarket Shreyas yoga retreat in Bangalore is $400 per night (shreyasretreat.com) – or for only £6 a night, stay in a dormitory at the Sivananda centre (sivananda.org).
Return ticket You're bound to conclude you didn't appreciate what you had and you're better off at home.
• This article was amended on Thursday, 25 November, 2010. A sentence that contained offensive matrial was removed.
