Medieval charms and a bottle of blush on the beach, Dorset

Start your day at Cerne Abbas, a sleepy Dorset village overshadowed by what the National Trust calls "a racy remnant of our distant pagan past". The Cerne Abbas giant is a 55m sexually aroused giant carved into a hillside half a mile north of the village. Pull over and regale your other half with folkloric tales of virility and passion. Or – if it's a first date – pull down the sun visor and drive on.

Thirty minutes from here on the Abbotsbury to Bridport road, you'll see a lonesome, 14th-century chapel high on a hillside. This is St Catherine's (st-catherine.org.uk), where medieval maidens would go to pray for a husband. Ladies, while his back's turned, find an alcove in the ancient walls and whisper: "A husband, St Catherine,/ A handsome one, St Catherine,/ A rich one, St Catherine,/ A nice one, St Catherine,/ And soon, St Catherine." You'll almost certainly be married within the year.

From Abbotsbury, it's only a 20-minute drive to the village of Wyke Regis and Chesil beach. Book ahead for a table at the Crab House Cafe (01305 788867, crabhousecafe.co.uk). More seaside love shack than starched restaurant, the menu depends entirely on what the local boats bring in. Order a bottle of blush and crack a crab together under a pink parasol beside the sea.

Finally, you can walk off lunch on Chesil beach (chesilbeach.org) – a spindly shingle spit that reaches out into the elements. Don't get too ambitious though: the beach stretches along the Jurassic coast for 18 miles. Walk until your calves ache, then plonk yourselves down on the pebbles for some postprandial pash.

Watery drama and a baroque ball, Brecon Beacons

This day trip starts after a lie-in and a giant Black Mountain brunch. Boots on, head off into the Brecon Beacons (breconbeacons.org) to Sgwd yr Eira, a wide waterfall formed where the Afon Hepste river leaps over a 12m bank. The narrow path running behind the cascade will allow you and your lover to scramble behind the deafening, damp curtain. Granted, sweet nothings won't be heard on this bit of the four-mile route, and nobody looks their best in a cagoule – but it's not every day you get to climb behind a waterfall.

From here, it's a 30-minute drive to the Peterstone Court hotel, an imposing but intimate Georgian house backed by craggy mountains (01874 665387, peterstone-court.com). If you don't fancy a posh lunch in your walking clobber, phone ahead and order a picnic hamper. For extra brownie points, go deluxe and order a whole roast chicken, salmon sandwiches and strawberry shortbread for £25 per person (rug, linen and proper tableware included; champagne is extra). Skip down to the edge of the river Usk and indulge.

The evening's entertainment is in Brecon, a 10-minute drive from the hotel (if you decide to stay over, it's a gorgeous 40-minute stroll down the river; double rooms from £110). The local theatre, Theatr Brycheiniog (01874 611622, brycheiniog.co.uk), also hosts the annual Brecon Baroque festival (22-25 October, breconbeaconsmusic.com). If you don't fancy Monteverdi vespers in the cathedral on the Sunday, book tickets for the baroque ball on 23 October (£35). Led by dancing master Peter Brock, dancers will be taken through their steps to live classical accompaniment from the Baroque Trio. By the end of the evening you'll have mastered dainty "upper doubles" and "armings", and the flirtatious "sidings" (which involves a lingering stare). Powdered wigs and heaving bosom optional ...

A sniff of luxury and a bargain banquet, Manchester

This is for couples craving Georgian gentility by day and sultry city glamour by night. Head out of town in the afternoon to Tatton Park (01625 374400, tattonpark.org.uk; £7). Far from fusty, this National Trust property is hosting a summer biennial (tattonparkbiennial.org, until 26 September) of contemporary art, with some quirky installations in the ornamental gardens. Stroll around Tatton Mere and you'll see Steve Messam's giant red lilies scattered over the water, or make like newly-weds in a (free) chauffeur-driven taxi ride in Clara Ursitti's Ghost – a Nissan Sunny imbued with the luxurious scent of a Rolls-Royce Silver Cloud.

From here, it's a 40-minute drive back into town for supper. There is no shortage of glam eateries in Manchester, but we like the Armenian Taverna, an unassuming basement restaurant on Albert Square (0161-8349025, armeniantaverna.co.uk). The decor is endearingly ancient (think naff frescoes, fake flowers and claret-coloured paper napkins). If you're both starving, order the banquet menu (£15 for veggies, £17.50 for meat-eaters). You'll be brought a procession of tangy "mezzeh", followed by kebabs or couscous, and ending with a homemade "Armenian delight". It's notoriously cheap, so you should have enough left for a flashy nightcap.

The Great John Street Hotel (0161-831 3211, greatjohnstreet.co.uk; doubles from £235, but check for last-minute deals) is only half a mile away. The south-facing terrace (with views of Coronation Street and Castlefield) is the perfect patch for a champagne sundowner. There's an enticing hot tub bubbling away up there, too, but that's reserved for residents …

A golden gift, with a view of the stars Kielder forest, Northumberland

The 150,000 fragrant spruce and pine trees and deeply-dark night skies of Kielder forest make a stunning backdrop for a romance-fuelled adventure. This date will last well into the night, so start off in the afternoon with a visit to Kielder Castle (visitkielder.com).

Go to the on-site Purple Mountain Bike Centre. Kielder is a mecca for mountain bikers but black runs equal terror not romance, so hire the tandem instead (£20 for three hours, but make sure to book – there's only one; 01434 250532, purplemountain.co.uk).

Head off along the Lakeside Way, where you'll find a pair of small shelters facing one another on opposite sides of Kielder Water. Erected last year, Robin's Hut and Freya's Cabin tell the love story of a woman who built a golden cabin as a gift for a man she had never met but could see in his simple hut across the lake. Do take a pit stop at the cabin – it's a beautiful golden structure on the south shore, intricately carved and balanced on long golden stems.

The castle tearooms (01434 250100, dukespantry.co.uk) shut at 5pm but there's a cosy pub 30 minutes away in Greenhaugh. The Holly Bush Inn is an understated, honey-coloured boozer with a giant open range, flagstone floors and a piano that actually gets played (01434 240391, hollybushinn.net). Hunker down with a pint and some organic pub grub until the sun sets, then head back to the forest.

Star-gazing is a rite of passage for lovers and the Kielder Observatory has to be the best place in Britain to study the night sky. The observatory juts out of a hillside deep in the forest and visitors are able to look through the telescopes here, though only on event nights (kielderobservatory.org). In August, stargazers should be able to see the Perseid meteor shower. Bring a blanket to wrap around yourselves on the deck and wait for the spectacular sparkles.

Dark, unsettling ruins and a taste of English wine, Suffolk

Pink and gold and gentle, Suffolk is made for loving – but it also has a dark, unfathomable side. Orford Ness is a nine-mile shingle spit off the Suffolk coast, a short boat trip over the river Alde from Orford quay (arrive early – the last ferry is at 2pm. Ferry and admission £7.20 adult, £3.60 child, 01728 648024, nationaltrust.org.uk).

The Ministry of Defence set up shop on the spit during the first world war, and the desert-like landscape is strewn with outlandish military buildings that have sunk into the shingle after years of neglect. There are coloured markers to guide you around this fragile wilderness – an unsettling and strangely calming experience that's best shared.

Back to reality, head to the Froize Inn (01394 450282, froize.co.uk), which is a 15-minute drive away in Chillesford. Although all its dishes are served from a communal "hot table", this handsome freehouse is emphatically not a carvery. It's all locally sourced, home-grown, home-smoked and exquisite. It also has a small on-site delicatessen.

Thirty minutes away in Framlington is Suffolk's oldest vineyard, Shawsgate (01728 724060, shawsgate.co.uk). Although there are guided evening tours, with a tasting session included, on selected Wednesdays throughout the summer (£9 a head), you can roam the slopes unaccompanied. Entrance is free – you'll find information and a map of circular walks from the shop. While you're there, pick up a fresh, flowery bottle of sparkling Suffolk brut to quaff as you wander. Bliss.