First impressions
Swaffham on a Saturday afternoon. I thought I'd got used to English market towns after a recent unhappy, and mercifully brief, spell living in Leicestershire. But this was weird. Most of the shops were closed and the streets were eerily quiet. A lairy pub was the only real clue that an N-bomb hadn't dropped hours earlier. A giant combine harvester thundered past us, followed by an only slightly smaller Chevy 4x4, a Confederate flag sticker on its bumper, heading home to one of the US military airbases nearby.
It was with some relief that we walked 100m down a side street to Strattons, a small, family-run, boutique hotel with just 10 rooms. We were greeted in the garden by a life-sized stag made out of scrap metal, with car springs thrown in for good measure. Behind it lay an elegant mish-mash of buildings.
The rooms
We were staying not in the main house, an elegant Queen Anne villa, but in one of the outbuildings, The Stalls. Olive green walls, bold red fabrics and solid antique furniture, not fancy but invitingly comfy, made a late-afternoon slump and snooze inevitable. My girlfriend Carolyn managed to get up in time for a pre-dinner soak in the sharp-edged tiled bath. It looked damned uncomfortable to me but she loved it, no doubt helped by an aperitif.
Clicking through Strattons' website, I realised our room was very much on the sober side compared with the other bedrooms. Strong colours, vivid prints and sumptuous fabrics ruled.
A sense of theatre ruled in the reception area of the main house when we headed there for dinner. Carolyn whispered that it was a bit Miss Havisham – all knick-knacks and curious bits and pieces – but I liked it. The lovely building needed a strong character to match.
The food
Strattons prides itself on its restaurant. It has a reputation for serving the best food for miles around, and it was clear our fellow diners weren't all guests at the hotel. Fennel bread and pumpkin bread were served with extra virgin oil – rapeseed oil, that is. It was grassy and delicious. Local produce dominated, so I couldn't resist a Cromer crab starter with samphire which was lovely, but light enough to let me take a forkful or two of Carolyn's Norfolk fishcakes. Sirloin of beef (from down the road, naturally) and Gressingham duck were our tasty mains.
The verdict
I liked Strattons. I liked its food, I liked its confidence in its own sense of style. But I did keep asking myself why you'd choose to stay in Swaffham. Yes, there are lovely, if flat, bits of countryside nearby, but I'm sure most people would choose to stay on the A1065 for another 30 minutes until they hit the glorious north Norfolk coast, with its huge choice of great places to stay and eat.
The rates
Doubles from £150 including breakfast. Main courses in the restaurant from £12.
• Swaffham, Norfolk 01760 723845; strattons-hotel.co.uk
Europcar (0871 384 1089; europcar.co.uk) offers car hire in the UK from £20 a day.
