It doesn't start well. The famous twin Petronas Towers, which gloriously lit up the night sky when I went to bed, are lost in heavy mist when I open the curtains. The rain is hammering down on to the streets below. I take a taxi west through the monsoon to Merdeka Square, the city's old colonial heart, and damply contemplate the waterlogged patch of grass where the British rulers played cricket, and the independent Malaysian flag was first raised in 1957.
The rain stops; I dry out and plunge into nearby Chinatown, a few blocks of fabulous, run-down colonial buildings cowering among the skyscrapers. The hawkers are in full flow ("Hey, boss, DVDs? Hollywood? Maybe you want something saucy? Boom boom!"). The locals are eating lunch in makeshift kitchens down grungy back alleys. I join them and watch a woman engage in an extraordinary symphony of fish and noodles plunged into pots bubbling with fat. It tastes unbelievable. The bill? 60p (80p with a drink).
The national museum in the south of the city turns out to be small, and rather obsessed with tin-mining, the industry that put this place on the map. I take the flashy monorail back north, and spend the evening wandering through the hedonistic "golden triangle"; streets lined with trendy bars, restaurants and young women desperate to give me a foot massage.
Next morning, the Malaysian sun is blazing down and even at 10am, the short walk to the Petronas Towers in the financial district is hard going. I dutifully visit the buildings' "skybridge", the mid-air walkway connecting the two, and wander through immaculately landscaped parks and air-conditioned shopping malls.
By evening the rain is back, and I find myself in another gleaming three-storey food mall. This is where the young and trendy hang out and it is packed with people watching Manchester United play Liverpool. When Gerrard scores his penalty, they almost take the roof off.
"Does everyone in Malaysia support Liverpool?" I ask a woman, sitting with her boyfriend at a bar where I'm drinking a £3 beer.
She laughs hysterically. "No. I think there must just be a lot of Liverpool supporters in tonight."
So, two days in Kuala Lumpur - possibly not the most environmentally sound thing I've ever done, but fantastic fun.
