The liner Queen Mary 2 came in for a rollicking from some members of the press last week who claimed it was kitsch and tacky.
It makes you wonder if the reviewers making such sweeping statements have ever been on a cruise before. Because, as readers who are familiar with modern cruising will know, if you look at where the QM 2 stands in the barometer of cruise kitsch, it has to be somewhere near the bottom end of the ostentation scale. Just inspect a few of cruise ships in Miami any week and you'll know what I mean.
Carnival, the American parent company of Cunard, which owns the QM 2 and QE 2 among others, has a penchant for the Las Vegas-on-drugs type of theme. If you like fake waterfalls, glitter balls, acres of marble, velvet and gold everywhere to a background of pop music, with midnight buffets and all-day grazing, come to Carnival. But the QM 2 has been spared the Carnival touch, and has been created by restrained British designers.
Cruising is no longer very glamorous. Even the 34-year-old QE 2, which will be replaced by the QM 2 on the Southampton-New York route, is a bit faded and lacking in facilities. Think of the documentary The Cruise and the package holiday ships operated by tour operators such as Thomson and First Choice. Add in all the stories about contagious viruses hitting passengers on the maiden voyage of P&O's Aurora last December, and cruising's not looking good.
But the QM 2 is restrained, elegant and classic, give or take a few patterned carpets and towering Costa del Sol-style balconies on the outside.
The history of Cunard is painstakingly told through exhibits and graphics throughout the ship, which even has its own specially designed typeface, Cunardia.
The extensive library, with rows of internet screens, and the spa both both have natural daylight all around. The decks are huge and dotted with plunge pools and Jacuzzis.
The space was much marvelled at by former Beirut hostage Terry Waite in his opening dinner speech - much appreciated if you've ever been wrapped in masking tape and transported in a car boot, he said.
The QM 2 is how you'd like the QE 2 to be, but with all mod cons.
Last Thursday's launch party was a chance for Cunard to entice its regulars and court new contacts. Among the throng of floor-length taffeta ballgowns and dinner jackets were John Prescott, Charles Kennedy, Valerie Singleton, Michael Burke, Mary Nightingale and Esther Rantzen.
We noted that Jimmy Savile (38 times QE 2 veteran) was sporting an NHS swipe card in the name of Al Pacino alongside his gongs.
So will he be booking? 'This ship will rule the waves for 30 years,' he said. I'll take that as a yes.
Old tub? Cunard really flounders
Top marks for public relations gaffe of the week goes to Cunard's Eric Flounders, whose job it is to whip up publicity for the launch of the Queen Mary 2.
When Escape's Gemma Bowes asked to preview the ship last week, Flounders inadvertently emailed her the following message intended for one of his colleagues: 'Can you enlighten me about this woman?
'She says you said she could visit QM 2 tomorrow, but there doesn't seem to be any record of her. Did you do anything about it? If not, can you please tell her she can't come, because we have enough on without having to drag yet more dreary journalists round the old tub tomorrow as well as Wednesday.'
Bowes replied: 'I would be happy to come on the press day if it's possible, rather than tomorrow, and I promise to wear something very colourful in an attempt to be less dreary... I'll even learn some jokes too, if that would help.'
Oops!
