Your friends think they know you, but then you let it slip that you are going on a walking holiday and, what's more, a group walking holiday. Suddenly you are showing shades of Candice Marie in Mike Leigh's Nuts in May, a lispy drip whose idea of fun is eating acorns and twitching.
Walking holidays do not tend to suggest glamour or come with any cachet. The answer is to explain quickly that this one is in southern Tuscany where, when not tramping La Strada Bianca or the vineyards of Montepulciano and Montalcino, you will be enjoying the Renaissance frescoes and vintage brunello while protecting your eyes with a pair of the Dolce & Gabbana sunglasses that are available for practically half the UK price in every Tuscan medieval hilltop village.
The Alternative Travel Group in Oxford offers a sophisticated walking experience, aiming to combine a bit of culture with lots of countryside and high-quality food and wines.
My week began at Pisa airport where, on a Sunday afternoon complete with a nasty hangover, I met reps Anna and Erica. It quickly became apparent that if you are feeling fragile these are people you want to be around. As soon as they met our 11-strong group at arrivals they set the tone by providing us all with sandwiches (nice ones with parma ham and pecorino) so that we could spend the early evening sightseeing in Siena without being bothered by empty stomachs.
Throughout the trip we were never without food, drinks, snacks or transport, as well as all the necessary information. All our needs were met instantly; you could even, if you were particularly mean, get through the whole week without parting with any extra money.
I went on this trip alone and felt quite at ease about doing so. A group holiday is obviously a good thing for a single traveller: you have like-minded people to share the expe rience with, in theory at least. The truth is that after 13 miles up some very steep hills under a hot Tuscan sun you do not actually give a damn who you are eating your evening meal with - two glasses of wine and you are ready for bed. That said, I enjoyed the company of every single one of my fellow travellers. (One of them, an American, is the owner of a Jeff Koons and two Louise Bourgeois. Bet that challenges your walker prejudices doesn't it?)
Anyway, maybe I was lucky. Erica did say that part of the company training covered group dynamics and she has had one or two trips where the dynamics definitely were not working. It all went horribly wrong when she had some upper crusts from Richmond in the same group as six Brummies who got pissed a lot.
Thankfully, the two very nice widows from Melbourne, who kindly asked me to join them in Siena on the first evening, did not get noticeably drunk at all.
Our first walk started at 8.30am on Monday and was 12.8 miles long, from Siena to our next destination, the fortified brick village of Lucignano. (You walk for five days out of eight, to the next hotel en route, and the longest walk of the week is 14 miles). The walk was filled with fantastic rolling Tuscan hills covered with durum wheat and cypress trees and the odd majestic farmhouse. As I had not been to Tuscany before, I was amazed.
Then there is the pleasure of the walking itself. There is not much better than hitting a steady rhythmic pace, falling in and out of conversation with your fellow walkers as they fall in and out of step with you, then hitting long, glorious periods when you are alone, lost in thought, having plenty of extended perfect moments.
Of course the point with all walking is to be walking towards something worth having. Lunch, for example - and, boy, were these lunches worth having. While Erica accompanied us on all the walks, Anna was in charge of food (and, equally crucial, driving all our luggage on to the next hotel). She would meet us halfway through our walk, in some shady gorgeous spot, with a feast she had prepared earlier.
She would make three huge and beautiful salads (say rocket with parmesan and pine nuts, white beans and tuna with olives and a mixed leaf option), which were served with beautiful local hams, salamis and cheeses, as well as fresh, sometimes warm, breads. Wine and water were on tap, as were lots of lovely fruit. And on the two days when our walks were particularly gruelling and uphill she made proper puddings - one with layers of chocolate, bananas, yoghurt and biscuits. Anna, wherever you are now, those lunches were brilliant.
The afternoon usually involved a shorter walk, possibly taking in a monastery or two. On the way to Bagno Vignoni (a village with hot springs that apparently featured in the Andrei Tarkovsky film Nostalgia ) we stopped to listen to Benedictine monks chanting at the remarkably beautiful Abbazia di Sant' Antimo.
Often we arrived at our destination in time to look around and take in some art, churches or a spot of shopping. After our first night in Siena, we walked to and stayed in five places in all; Lucignano, Buonconvento, Montalcino, Bagno Vignoni and Montepulciano, with a free day in Montalcino, which is your classic Tuscan hilltop town.
I spent my day off swimming in the hotel pool and buying beautiful tiles and jugs in the art museum as well as the aforementioned D&G sunglasses. Even on our day off, Anna provided lunch.
In the evenings we all met for dinner where we were served local dishes that were largely very good (except that I don't think I need to eat risotto with wild strawberries again) along with local wines. These meals were usually in the restaurants of the hotels - mainly very pleasant - where we stayed. This was a good arrangement because it meant bed wasn't too far away - I don't think I lasted beyond 10 on any evening.
Which brings me to the only downside of what was such a lovely experience. By day three the temperature had soared to about 30C, which was a bit exhausting. Although I was determined to walk as much as possible (sinking under the weight of suntan lotion) there were times when it was all a bit much.
If the heat bothers you, I recommend going early or late in the year. The company takes into account the weather and tries to avoid walking at the hottest times of the day. You are also free to opt out of walks or to do half a walk - everything is flexible.
I want you all to know though, not because I'm competitive or anything, that I did 66 out of the possible 70 miles.
Factfile
The Southern Tuscany Week Away trip costs £895 throughout the year with ATG (01865 315678), based on two people sharing a room. This includes full-board, wine, transfers, the services of two guides and all visits. Flights are not included but ATG can arrange them, with fares from £189.
