If you tell somebody you're going on holiday to St Lucia, the chances are they will respond by naming somebody they know who's been there on their honeymoon.
Certainly, everybody I seemed to tell - and, believe me, I told quite a few - appeared to know one couple or another who had spent a blissful fortnight on this tropical Caribbean island after swapping wedding vows.
But what would it be like travelling to one of the honeymoon capitals of the world with a nuclear family in tow? In my case, the brood includes a strongly independent-minded six-year-old daughter called Alice and a boisterous three-year-old son called Arthur.
I had visions of being frogmarched out of restaurants by squadrons of doe-eyed newlyweds furious that their quiet, candlelit dinner was being interrupted by screaming children devastated at the lack of chicken nuggets on the menu. Or perhaps an eviction from a hotel after our noisy early-morning wake-up - which involves lots of jumping on beds and very loud TV - destroys the quiet intimacy of late mornings in bed for the recently betrothed.
I suggested to my wife, Sally, that it could be like the Simpsons taking their vacation on lovey-dovey Fantasy Island. We laughed and I promised not to eat too many doughnuts.
As things turned out, St Lucia was a superb place for a family holiday. After all, you can't really go wrong with golden sand, warm, translucent sea, lush landscapes and lashings of sun. My fear of wall-to-wall honeymooners simply didn't materialise - perhaps they hid when they saw us coming - and the exotic beauty of the island was matched by the St Lucians' warmth towards children.
Yet great family holidays are made up of more than a nice beach and a few friendly locals. They comprise small events that make an imprint on the collective memory and gradually become a part of family folklore. In this respect, St Lucia passed with flying colours.
While our children were indifferent to St Lucia's wonderful colonial architecture in towns such as Soufrière, its history under British rule and the poetry of the island's Nobel Prize-winner Derek Walcott, they were amazed by the wildlife. We are not talking about safari-type beasts, but just the everyday St Lucian creatures that seem extraordinary to young eyes that have never laid eyes on the Caribbean. There were brilliant green hummingbirds dashing about at lightning speed outside our hotel bedroom window, large bug-eating lizards scurrying up walls and coconut palms, flying fish that really flew and playful dolphins that leapt out of the ocean.
When you arrive after a gruelling 10-hour flight, the intoxicating aroma of the Caribbean immediately lifts the spirits, but it is the beauty of the island that instantly impresses. I mistakenly thought it would be a small, flat island with a fine line in beaches and palm trees. I wasn't expecting a mountainous country with verdant valleys and an interior of dense rainforest.
Most spectacular are the towering twin peaks of the Pitons, which dominate the skyline of the south-west coast. Images of these two conical mountains, which stand almost a kilometre high, are everywhere on the island; there is even a beer named after them. Older children - or fitter parents - can hike up one of them, but we were happy to take photographs in the knowledge that Superman apparently flew between them in one of the movies about him.
After saving the world from impending disaster, the superhero also apparently picked some flowers for heartthrob Lois Lane in the nearby rainforest. This turned out to be the small but perfectly formed Diamond Botanical Gardens, which are well worth a visit. There is an impressive collection of tropical plants set in lush grounds around a gushing waterfall which you can swim under.
My kids took an instant liking to a spectacular plant whose long, dark red hanging stems give rise to its English name - 'monkey tail'. Our guide picked one and a game of pin the tail on the unsuspecting parent ensued. I was most impressed by the gigantic trumpet, which we were told was a favourite of the local Rastafarians, who drink the rainwater collected in the horn-like flower to get high. I made a note to visit the local garden centre when I got home.
On the way to the gardens, we also popped in on the bubbling sulphur springs based in the collapsed crater of the world's only drive-in volcano. You park your vehicle next to the most active part of the volcanic area and then a guide walks you up to the crater, regaling you with fascinating facts about it.
The tales of how the Arawak Indians used the site for human sacrifice and how one guide survived a fall into one of the steaming pools of sulphur cap tured our imaginations. But the kids, it seems, were most excited about the all-pervasive stink-bomb sulphur smell, which led to an outbreak of poo and fart jokes - from the children that is. And still no honeymooners about.
All these great things to do are based around Soufrière, the oldest town in St Lucia, the island's capital under French rule in the eighteenth century, and undoubtedly one of the island's most picturesque places. Its colourful ornate buildings give it a cool charm.
However, our favourite town by far turned out to be Anse La Raye, a small fishing village a few miles north up the coast from Soufrière. Its ramshackle and weatherbeaten pastel-painted houses are crammed along narrow streets. Along the small beach are colourful wooden fishing boats. People hang out chatting in the local Creole patois, with the sounds of reggae and calypso drifting by. This felt like the real West Indies.
Our guide and driver for the day, Suleman, advised us to visit this sleepy fishing village on Friday night when Anse La Raye comes alive for its family-friendly 'Seafood Friday'. This was certainly one of the highlights of our trip. The streets are blocked off to cars and everybody in the village seems to have set up a stall barbecuing or frying seafood caught that day.
There are gigantic lobsters, crayfish, huge prawns and lots of fish being sold for a fraction of restaurant prices. Tables and chairs are spread down the middle of the main street, so adults and kids alike can sit down to munch the delicious seafood along with locally made bread and a bottle of Piton beer. Our daughter immediately struck up a conversation with a young girl who introduced her to the delights of fried fish with dollops of tomato ketchup.
At the end of the evening, we left this real slice of St Lucian life to head back to our rather more synthetic environment at the large, all-inclusive St James Morgan Bay resort in the more developed north of the island, with its volleyball competitions and restaurant theme nights.
To be quite honest, we had had severe reservations before the trip about staying in such a place, thinking we would prefer a quiet little shack somewhere in Soufrière. However, the one thing about taking young children on holiday is that their happiness is critical to yours. And, in this respect, St James Morgan Bay was a winner from the word go. From the golf buggies that drove us to our pink, flowery rooms, complete with cable TV and air-conditioning, to the Lilos in the pool and pedalo rides in the ocean, it was a hit.
In our first week, we had stayed at the smaller and quieter self-catering Marlin Quay villa complex near the bustling Rodney Bay marina. With its two pools and free boat ride to the beach, we thought this was great, but for children it simply didn't compare to a place where breakfast is a choice of pancakes, doughnuts or bagels with any conceivable topping and lunch is barbecued chicken burgers with fries on the beach. With an all-inclusive, everything is paid for up front, so their hourly requests for ice-creams and milkshakes were not met by the usual refusal but with the rather more cheery: 'Of course, and while you're there get your mum and dad a piña colada.'
While Sally and I initially grimaced at the restaurant's attempt to stave off a Groundhog Day feeling by having a different theme each night, the kids loved it. Whether it was Italian, American, Mexican or Caribbean, Alice and Arthur lapped it all up.
What more could you ask for? Well, nightly entertainment for a start. Although the idea of limbo competitions, Caribbean crooners, dancing groups and corny discos didn't seem appetising at first, the kids absolutely loved the stuff. In fact, so successful was St James Morgan Bay at captivating our children that despite our intention to escape the resort to sample the real St Lucia, it became hard to leave.
On our last day, we went on a dolphin-watching trip and within 20 minutes of heading out to sea were greeted by a playful pod of dolphins dancing in the boat's wake. When we got back to the hotel after a glorious cruise up the western coastline, we did finally bump into some honeymooners. They had just got married on the beach and were strolling along at sunset with a photographer not far behind.
Later, they joined in at the evening beach disco after the fire-eaters and stilt-walkers had strutted their stuff. But by then, we didn't care - there was a limbo-dancing contest to be entered.
Factfile
Kuoni Worldwide (01306 747008) has holidays for families of four to St Lucia with flights staying seven nights at Marlin Quay on a room-only basis in a one-bed villa and seven nights at the all-inclusive St James Morgan Bay (formerly known as the Wyndham Morgan Bay) in one room from £1,427 per person, children under 11 for £713.
Further information from the St Lucia Tourist Board (0870 900 7697).
