Three year olds in Barbours and wellies driving Land Rovers? If you want to see it for yourself, forget Fulham, Gleneagles in Scotland is the place to come.
Yes, that Scottish hotel where you might expect to encounter a glut of golf bores swaggering around in tartan and hushed dining rooms decked out with chandeliers. Now you're more likely to be run down by a toddler driving a mini-Land Rover than hit by the back end of a golf swing.
Gleneagles is gaining a reputation as one of the UK's most child-friendly upmarket hotels. My heart often sinks as I reach the final page of a website or brochure of a sexy hotel to face the words: 'We accept children over 12 years.' Not that I'm knocking it -the world needs places to retreat from screaming brats. It's just that increasing numbers of working parents want to take their kids with them on the occasional celebratory weekend where the furniture isn't all wipe-clean plastic, the menu isn't dominated by fish fingers and the background music isn't 'Little Bo Peep'.
You want child facilities - a cot saves you lugging a travel version all over the place and a creche for a couple of hours provides a welcome rest - but there are times when you don't want to do Center Parcs. A number of posh UK hotels have cottoned on to this, with great success. For a family weekend break at Woolley Grange in Wiltshire or Babington House in Somerset, you have to book months in advance - despite their eye-watering room rates. Gleneagles has been going after the family market for some years, but since the fall-off in American travel after 11 September, the hotel has been courting UK families more than ever.
Gleneagles has many family selling points. Best of all is a big nursery with the latest toys, where you can leave kids aged over two for up to two hours. It was almost empty during our stay as families were out enjoying themselves together.
I'm not usually a fan of big hotels (Gleneagles has more than 200 rooms), but the size means you do get massive grounds and facilities to get lost in - and can avoid feeling you're disturbing anyone without kids.
The excitement of driving up hills, through forests and ditches in an electric mini-Land Rover is overwhelming - especially if your normal view of the world is from a pushchair. And even though our daughter Hanna was accompanied by her driving instructor, Isabelle, she was in seventh heaven steering the thing alone.
It's difficult for kids to get bored here. When they've tired of the toys in the creche, they can chase each other through the outdoor maze, play croquet on the lawn, ride bikes around the grounds, visit the falconry centre, swim in the huge indoor kids' pool, go pony riding or have tea in 'The Club', the informal dining room where no child could possibly complain. Hanna was most taken with the DIY pizzas - four bowls of toppings and a pot of tomato paste to smear on a bread base. She painstakingly stuck each individual kernel of sweetcorn and piece of chopped ham on the pizza before it was taken away to be cooked.
The rooms are mega-comfortable and discreetly practical, with wooden floors rather than terrifying, spill-inviting carpets, and include items such as ironing boards and kettles. The furnishings are a mix of contemporary and traditional - charcoal walls, purple bedding, huge bed (which can, er, double up as trampolines) and fold-up sofa, double sinks in the bathroom, a large roll-top bath and a separate shower drenched in natural light.
But best of all, the miniature fluffy white bathrobes make your toddler look like a movie director and feel as special.
Dinner is where the dressing up, chandeliers, starched table cloths and gourmet Scottish food come in. If you want a few hours to yourselves, you can feed the kids from the children's room service menu (cod'n'chips with peas and yoghurt in Hanna's case) and book a babysitter - which we did, leaving us free to explore the bible-size wine menu downstairs, tuck into the Orkney Gold fillet of beef, polished off by Angels on horseback (oysters wrapped in bacon) and Scotch woodcock (toast with anchovies and scrambled egg).
On check-out, everyone is presented with home-baked shortbread and invited to sign the visitors' books. The children's one made interesting reading - spidery writing in big blue and pink felt-tip pens enthused: 'Everything was brilliant!' Themain highlight was the electric cars. If Hanna had been old enough to write something, I'm sure she would have said the same. Even three months later, when asked what she most liked a big grin spread across her chubby cheeks: 'I did drive a car all by myself, I did!'
Other places to go posh
Luxury Family Hotels
The newest addition to this group is the Ickworth Hotel, which opens tomorrow in Suffolk. Like its sister hotels - Woolley Grange near Bath, Moonfleet Manor in Dorset and Fowey Hall in Cornwall - the Ickworth combines trendy decor and good food with family facilities, including a creche and activity club, pool, tennis courts, games and bike rides. Rates are from £190 a room (dinner, bed and breakfast) up to £515 for a family suite. Ickworth Hotel, Bury St Edmunds, Suffolk (01284 735350); Woolley Grange,Bradford-on-Avon, Wiltshire 01225 864705); Moonfleet Manor Hotel, Weymouth (01305 786948). Fowey Hall (01726 833866).
Le Manoir aux Quat' Saisons (01844 278881)
Raymond Blanc's Oxfordshire hotel and restaurant prides itself on giving children a warm welcome, rather than just tolerating them. For younger guests, there is a dedicated children's menu - priced from £15 - and a toy box in the bedrooms. Children are invited into the kitchen after dinner to choose their own dessert. Babysitting and a baby listening service are available. A midweek one-night break costs £250 per adult, and includes a seven-course Menu Gourmand dinner. Cots are provided free of charge. Extra beds for children cost £45 per night, which includes breakfast.
Babington House, Somerset (01373 812266)
The country cousin of the London media hangout Soho House, this Georgian-built hotel seamlessly combines laid-back chic with child-friendliness. A creche is open all day for children from one year upwards, for no extra charge. Babysitting can be organised. There are five family rooms in the stable block, with a bedroom and hot tub upstairs for the grown-ups and a bunk room with toys downstairs for the kids. The mini bars have wine for the parents and milk for the children. Rates for a stable room sleeping four cost from £320, though there are discounts for Soho House members. The prices include children's tea served daily at 5.30pm.
Factfile
A family room at Gleneagles (0800 704 705) which sleeps up to two children, and includes breakfast, use of leisure facilities and creche, costs from £375 till the end of August. Off-season rates can be much less, so check the website for packages. Deals also available on www.laterooms.com. Off-road driving is £59, falconry £59 and horse riding £17. Babysitting is £5.50 per hour.
Jeannette Hyde and family flew from Stansted to Edinburgh with Go (0870 6076543). Return flights start at £38, including taxes, per person. Gleneagles is a one-hour drive from Edinburgh airport.
