Who goes there? Only the rich and famous. A sumptuous five-star hotel set across the lagoon from St Mark's Square, the place has been popular with filmstars and world leaders such as Al Pacino, Michelle Pfeifer, Ronald Reagan and Richard Nixon. With a butler on 24-hour standby for each guest, and rooms with pop-up televisions and private Jacuzzis, it is the perfect place to relax away from the prying eyes of the paparazzi.

What is so special about it? For a start, the price. The suite we stayed in costs £2,000 a night and, sadly, it makes you want to be Michael Winner. Not that there was any room for complaints about hard butter and rolls not being warmed before serving. The service was outstanding. It also boasts the only outdoor pool in Venice - too chilly while we were there, though the sort of place where the staff would be only too willing to fill it with hot water.

Any downsides? Not many, although mixing with the tourist riffraff and hawkers amid the pigeons in St Mark's made you wonder how some people get by in ordinary hotels. Not that you have to stay on the mainland for long. As people queued for water taxis, we simply ordered up our own private mahogany boat to take us back to the hotel and away from all that sort.

Do... Have dinner in the hotel restaurant, set facing the water and mist towards the city. A squad of waiters the size of a football team discreetly brings fine wines, seafood and pasta. The maitre-d' also rubbished the notion that a post-dinner grappa was a working-class drink for the city dwellers. Proffering a selection of different types, he proved that the Italian national drink could be the perfect way to round off a meal, much like a fine French brandy.

Do... Get the boat skipper to take you to St Mark's and walk for hours round the city waterways, stopping at one of the many tiny local bars where Venetians - workers, academics and professional people - pause for a Campari with orange and a snack on the way home. Just to see how other people live, you understand.

Don't Do as we did on checking out and ask the way to the bus station at reception, from where Ryanair operates flights from just a fiver each way to London Stansted. The manager was horrified when we said we wouldn't be needing the hotel limousine to take us to our our private Lear jet, preferring to part with £1 for the 40-minute bus journey. Unless, of course, he just thought we were eccentric millionaires...

· Reservations: 0800 181123. Room rates range from £290 to £3,665.