How many ski hotels ring guests to warn them if snow fails to arrive and to offer them the opportunity of cancelling their holiday?
But perhaps it's not a fair question. The hotel in question - the Thurnhers Alpenhof in Austria's exclusive Arlberg valley - can afford to be generous: from December until April, the valley's popularity lies partly in its ability to guarantee the regular appearance of snow with more confidence than almost any other resort in Europe.
But that is not its only lure. In an ideal world, the twin resorts of Lech and Zürs am Arlberg would be held up as a lesson to others across the world that have eschewed long-term business sense and environmental sensitivity in favour of a quick buck.
In a deliberate act of self-preservation, Lech and Zürs have grown slowly over the years and, thanks to a careful plan drawn up between the tourist board and the local hotels, only 14,000 ski passes are processed each day for the entire valley, while not more than 9,000 guests can stay overnight.
Such self-restraint ensures that not only are the usual holiday-spoilers of long queues and overcrowded pistes a distant concern, but that the 390 state-examined instructors hold classes that are never larger than eight or nine people.
The regular snowfall, the beauty of the mountains and the sheer luxury of the experience has long made the Lech-Zürs valley an open secret for the rich and famous: the resort was a particular favourite of Princess Diana. She was not the only one who found herself drawn back time and time again: such loyalty seems to be the rule rather than the exception. An 84-year-old man who has been there 117 times was recently given a free week's skiing as a thank you from the tourist board, while champagne toasts at the 47th birthday party of another guest included one to an instructor who had been teaching the birthday boy since he was seven years old.
This community feel lent to the valley by the loyalty of its guests is enhanced in turn by the family-run atmosphere of the hotels, in particular the Thurnhers Alpenhof, in the tiny village of Zürs, which is an exemplar in luxury, comfort and sheer, unadulterated pleasure which caters for skiers, gourmets and children with equal dedication and success.
After all, how could any hotel where the barman greets guests on the first night with the entirely serious statement 'Welcome, I am George, I am in charge of liquids' be on anything but the right track?
The family-run hotel is managed entirely by women, which explains why so many women holidaying on their own choose to return year after year.
There are many reasons for the hotel's allure: the bright, spacious rooms are orchid-filled and fruit-laden, the communal areas are a beguiling labyrinth of cosy, intimate nooks and wide-open areas designed to encourage socialising, while the charming and cheerful staff manage to convey an unswerving belief that the appearance of each and every guest has added immeasurably to their day.
There are many generous and thoughtful touches, such as the weather reports delivered to the breakfast tables each morning and the daily (free) hotel activities, from lessons in carving techniques to aromatherapy sessions, tobogganing, horse-drawn sleigh rides and trips to other parts of the valley, including the 'big ski tour' for which the valley is famous - it takes skiers from Zürs to Zug, Oberlech to the Rutikopf and back to the hotel in one unbroken loop.
But it is in the dining room that the hotel comes into its own. Breakfast is a buffet of such quality and variety that even those who rise early to catch the first ski lift are frequently to be found still picking long after the sun is high in the sky, unable to tear themselves away from the spread, while dinner is a nightly brush with gourmet-heaven.
Set-meals of between five and seven courses are on offer each night, with guests encouraged to alter, mix and match their dishes at will. On a single night taken at random, the dishes on offer included delicately sized portions of satee of rabbit with crab, ray wing with fennel and a perfect mouthful or two of honey duck.
But what there is to do after dinner is the single spot in which the resort stumbles: Zürs's après-ski suffers from the curse of the young and excessively rich, and unless discos pumped full of fake smoke and bad Eighties music, frequented by cigar-munching, besuited millionaires can keep you entertained for more than a single, schadenfreude-filled night, guests might be advised to give the nightlife a miss: after all, the earlier you turn in, the sooner you can get up next morning and revisit the famous breakfast buffet.
Factfile
Seven nights at the Thurnhers Alpenhof costs from £1,260 per person. This includes a double room on a half-board basis, flights from Heathrow to Zurich with British Airways (which flies there six times a day), and private transfers. For reservations call Seasons in Style on 0151 342 0505, or visit their website. Contact Thurnhers Alphenhof at 00 43 55 83 21 91.
