Her name was Michelle and as soon as I saw her I knew she was trouble. For weeks I'd watched her from afar, a swollen ball of fur working through Central America at 135mph, devastating everything in her path. After she had devoured Jamaica and Cuba, Michelle turned her attention to Florida. Miami radio stations warned Floridians to stockpile food and prepare for the worst. People stayed at home, sitting out the imminent hurricane.
It was not what the Sunshine State needed. After 11 September, Miami was in urgent need of some good news to bring the holidaymakers flooding back. But while Florida held its breath waiting to see whether Michelle would pay a visit, the restaurants along Miami Beach stood deserted as winds battered the near-empty Art Deco hotels, their gaudy colours rendered ugly once the sun had disappeared.
Conditions, therefore, were almost perfect.
For shopping, that is. Want massive discounts and almost stalker-like sales service as you enjoy the luxury of Christmas shopping in cavernous air-conditioned malls? Then visit Miami when it's threatened by a hurricane and the US is facing imminent recession.
Who needs fun in the sun when shops are having sales with up to 70 per cent off advertised prices? Go on, do your bit for the global economy. Let's make America great again. Do what Mayor Rudy has asked New Yorkers to do - let's all shop for Uncle Sam at heavily discounted prices between the hours of 9am and 11pm. Christmas shopping has never been more important.
OK, so this might not be the greatest slogan to attract the hordes back to this, the city of coffin-dodgers, but there is some truth in it. Miami might be famous for sun, exuberant nightlife and its celebrated dolphins, but it's also a magnet for those whose idea of a good time is swiping plastic faster than you can say 'soaring levels of consumer debt'.
And they do it so well in Miami. Already the malls are packed with stuffed reindeer, fake snow and piped 'Jingle Bells'. There are jolly, rotund, hispanic Santas strolling the malls, while large neon signs exhort shoppers to 'Make this Christmas the best Christmas ever'.
There is free gift-wrapping and 'competitive rates' for shipping presents back to Blighty in time for the Big Twenty-Fifth. There are children's entertainers and free gifts if you spend over a certain amount in a store. This is the home of buy one, get one half price.
Truly, this is the land of the (almost) free. And with return flights from as little as £239, a week-long Christmas shopping trip to Miami can almost be passed off as a saving for the more parsimonious-minded.
Given that Miami boasts seven major malls - each of which makes Oxford Street look like Surbiton high street on a wet Wednesday - there will undoubtedly be one that suits you and your wallet. Getting to each mall is easy. The city's bus routes all seem to end up at one mall or another and a ride costs only $1.25 ( 90p). A good place to start is the Aventura Mall on Biscayne Boulevard, in north Miami. Aventura is a sprawling indoor mall which boasts three department stores - Bloomingdale's, JC Penney and Macy's - as well as the usual suspects: Victoria's Secret, Gap, Sears etc. It also has a food hall the size of a small village and a courtesy shuttle service into town.
For those who prefer a stroll in the sun, the Lincoln Road Mall is an open-air affair plum in the middle of the city's Art Deco district near South Beach. The shops are a bit limited and, judging by the fact that some of them are boarded up, the area has seen better days.
The trick is to go at night when the centre of the mall becomes a fantastic strip of al fresco restaurants, offering everything from Asian fusion to Cuban and Italian cuisine. Lights are switched on and fountains spurt, making it an attractive place to take a break before hitting the shops which stay open until late. Try the local stone crabs while you're there. They are expensive - $60 (£42) for four big claws - but they are sensational; the king of crustacea and lobster seems bland in comparison. And, hey, you've earned it, having made all those massive savings on the Christmas shopping.
In contrast to the Lincoln Road Mall, Bal Harbour Shops on Collins Avenue is a place that looks like a 1980s backdrop to Dynasty . Set among yacht clubs and million-dollar condos, Bal Harbour oozes wealth. Porsches and Jaguars line its car parks, while inside, Gucci and Prada rub shoulders for your custom. Be warned: Bal Harbour is really only for the super-rich. If you don't own a Learjet and at least one private yacht, and have not had - or won't consider - rhinoplasty, then Bal Harbour is not for you. Even the taxi drivers warn shoppers in advance how expensive it is. Great for people-watching, though. Make sure you dress up for the visit. The stares from the shop assistants - sorry, personal retail consultants - can cut through metal if they don't believe you're sartorially up to scratch.
To get the full Miami Vice -style retail experience you will need to pay a visit to the trendy Bayside Marketplace, where 'over 100 shops are your passports to the best this salsa city has to offer', according to the promotional blurb. Bayside is, shock, right on the water and shoppers are offered a wide choice of boat trips around Miami harbour. Try the Heritage of Miami - a topsail schooner based on a nineteenth-century design. Any cruise which advertises that: 'In a world of bigger, faster, glitzier, louder, we proudly offer none of the above' should be worth a trip. On the trip, the guide points out the homes of the famous, including those of Bruce Willis and Boris Becker. Unfortunately, Boris recently lost his luxury condo as a result of his five seconds of unprotected passion in a broom cupboard. It has very nice views. The condo, that is.
While at Bayside, you might also want to pay a visit to what is possibly the worst concept-restaurant in marketing history. The Bubba Gump Shrimp Company is where tonnes of shellfish meet the fictitious character of Forrest Gump in an extremely ill-judged union complete with gift shop. It is the gastronomic equivalent of a Beefeater Steakhouse dedicated to Bubble from Big Brother . Quite good shrimps, though.
Finally, when you think you can't visit another mall, there is SawgrassMills, the world's largest outlet centre with 'over 200 name-brand shops, boutiques, and superstores, selling their wares at wholesale prices or even lower!' Oh joy. Benetton, Brooks Brothers, Gap and Donna Karan all have outlets at SawgrassMills, which also boasts valet parking, Gameworks - a restaurant surrounded by interactive games designed by the likes of Sega and Steven Spielberg's Dreamworks studio - and a police station.
It's a glimpse into the future of shopping: a giant, industrialised leisure complex, a tourist destination in its own right which sits large and proud on maps of Miami alongside theatres and museums. Forget life's a beach. Life is a mall.
Factfile
Jamie Doward travelled with British Airways (0845 77 333 77; www.ba.com) which has returns from Heathrow from £190 plus £62.50 tax. He stayed at the South Seas Hotel (00 1 305 538 1411; www.southbeachhotels.com) which has double rooms from $120 (approx £80) per night including continental breakfast.
Where to find the malls: Dolphin Mall (11401 NW 12th Street; shopdolphinmall.com) Sawgrass Mills (12801 W.Sunrise Blvd, Sunrise; www. sawgrassmillsmall.com) Bayside Marketplace (Biscayne Blvd; www.baysidemarketplace.com)
Aventura Mall (19051 Biscayne Blvd, Aventura; 305 935 4222)
Bal Harbour Shops (9700 Collins Avenue Blvd, Bal Harbour; 305 866 1816)
Dolphin Mall (11401 NW 12th Street; 305 365 7446)
The Shops at Sunset Place (5701 Sunset Drive, South Miami; 305 663 0482)
So what sort of reductions can you find at the moment? Latest Macy Gray CD, down from $16.99 to $12; leather jacket in the style of Bodie from The Professionals reduced from $325 to $99; shirt jacket reduced from $110 to $55; Victoria's Secret corset with, um, lace and stuff, down from $78 to $48; Victoria's Secret bra and knickers in fetching pink and black down from $45 to $22; New Balance trainers $25, down from $60; Gap chunky knitted polo neck jumper not reduced but still a bargain at $28; and likewise with Calvin Klein jeans at $35; Nautica hooded sweat top down from $55 to $25.
And current conversion rate? About $1.40 to the pound.
Further information www.flausa.com
